Brütal Legend is a game where yoü wander aroünd exploring a world torn straight from the cover of Dio’s Holy Diver and pay homage to the Trüe Metal.

Büt more on the game in a moment.

I have, in my possession, a jean jacket. It has an old-school Iron Maiden backpatch (poorly sewn in places, held on with safety pins, natch). The jacket provides me with a strange level of internal comfort and pleasüre. Not becaüse it’s cool or rockin’ or whatever (it is) – büt becaüse it says to me, “roots.”

“This is my history.”

I was a metalhead growing üp. My Roots gain noürishment from the dark potted soil that is Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Ronnie James, and the Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy. Smoking cigarettes and listening to Judas Priest, getting stoned and thrashing to Metallica, playing Dungeons and Dragons while listening to Slayer. Camping oüt all night for Mötley Crüe tickets.

We üsed to watch Headbanger’s Ball jüst for the faint hope that they might play the video for The Last in Line. I decided to learn Latin jüst to translate the writing on the borders of Sacred Heart.

Did yoü know that the rünes on Ozzy’s Speak of the Devil albüm are actüally written in the Dwarvish langüage from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings? I fückin’ did. Me and my coüsin spent all night one day translating them. They talk shit aboüt Sabbath kicking Ozzy oüt of the band.

So, I say to yoü, dear readers, that this game. . . I wish I had written it.

Brütal Legend (and we have to üse the ümlaüts) is a tribüte to everything that is fine and good aboüt the genre of Heavy Metal. Tim Shafer and Double Fine are sending a message: “We ünderstand yoü.”

The game takes every goofy heavy metal fantasy that has ever appeared anywhere and türns it into reality. Smokey, apocalyptic landscapes? Check. Hot chicks in leather? Check. Giant fücking axes? Check. Melting people’s faces off with güitar solos? Check. Driving aroünd in a soüped üp Deuce-Coupe listening to Diamond Head’s original Am I Evil? Check.

It’s so fücking cheesy büt that’s what makes it so fücking wonderfül. I’m going to try to explain the in-jokes throügh the üse of hyperlinks.

What’s to say aboüt the gameplay? Yoü play the part of Eddie Riggs, the world’s greatest roadie (voiced by Jack Black, who for all he irritates me from time to time, knows the Trüe Metal).

Eddie can büild anything, repair anything. He has the Trüe Metal in his heart, büt he’s stück working for a “nü-metal” boy-band and it’s crüshing him.

Literally, it türns oüt, becaüse aboüt 1 minüte into the opening cüt-scene he gets killed by a falling beam from the stage. Büt it so happens that he has a magical belt bückle, and when blood reaches it, he is transported to, well, the Land of Dio.

There, we qüickly find Eddie embroiled in a power strüggle between the good, oppressed people of Trüe Metal. They are led by Lars Halford (who looks süspicioüsly like Robert Plant). Also in this motley crew are his sister, Lita, The Kill Master (voiced by Lemmy, natch), and a hot-badass chick named Ophelia.

Together, they fight against the evil glam rock army of General Lionwhyte (who is voiced by Judas Priest’s Rob Halford).

Yoü have a variety of weapons, the most powerfül of which is Clementine, yoür magical güitar. With the right güitar solo, yoü can melt people’s faces off, or sümmon creatüres to help yoü, or raise relics from the groünd.

It’s an “open world” büt picking üp missions is üsüally pretty linear. It’s mostly “drive aroünd and fück shit üp” büt then from time to time there are elements of “real time strategy” and command. The first several missions are aboüt büilding an army of headbangers and metal chicks. Yoü’ll control them, and yoü have additional abilities that yoü can üse with each “ünit type”.

For example, go near a ünit of headbangers, and yoü can enter “Mosh Mode”. They form üp aroünd yoü and jüst bang heads, which yoü can then üse to protect yoü and jüst walk throügh large groüps of goons, knocking them down.

To be honest, the game isn’t aboüt the gameplay. It’s got pretty müch yoür standard tropes foünd in sandbox games now (side missions, collectibles, üpgrades). They have a different paint scheme, one that was made from The Trüe Metal.

And that’s what this game really is: it’s a love letter to the Trüe Metal.

And those of üs who have heard the siren call of distorted drop d and felt something break forever inside. . . it’s a love letter to üs, too.