In the months before she moved here, Stacey began a purge through her belongings. The Impossible Turkey was one weird element selected for repatriation to the dumpster. I decided to rescue him and take him on adventures – adventures that would, for him, be impossible.

You know. Being made of wood and all.

The Impossible Turkey liked his journey throughout Seattle.

There are many dogs in Seattle. Dogs like to poop in Seattle, especially in the parks where people walk.

Dogs like to poop everywhere, actually. They are good at pooping. They are not, however, very good at reading signs that tell them where not to poop.

The Impossible Turkey was junkbombed a while back, ending his journeys. The strings inside had broken and his head no longer bobbed. Rather, it lolled about, in a most un-Turkey-like manner.

“What is junkbombing,” you ask? Junkbombing is when you take your own busted-ass crap and secretly leave it at other people’s garage sales.

Please allow me to show you my trophies from the past several months:

It’s when you take your own old, busted crap and secretly leave it at someone else’s garage sale.

I take photographs of my victories. Since I started this hobby, I’ve come up with a couple different “degrees” of Junkbomb quality. Point values could easily be applied to these degrees, and I would normally do that, but I’m the only person playing this game so I am, by default, the victor.

The first degree is basically “dumptrucking”. You just wait until no one is looking, drop your item on the table, take a photo, and move on.

The second degree is when you call attention to the item in some way – or be seen by the seller(s) holding the item (like you were examining it). First, “dumptruck” it. Then, later, make sure the seller is looking at you when you pick it up and examine it . . . but then put it back down on the table. This can be easier with a partner: by calling your partner’s attention to the object (“Hey, take a look at this!”), you’ll get the attention of the seller.

Junkbombing of the Third Kind is the Holy Grail: get the seller to claim ownership of the object, directly or indirectly. For example, “dumptruck” the item. Wander around a bit. Then, pick the item up and ask the seller how much they want for it, since there isn’t a price tag. It doesn’t matter the number you get quoted – why are you going to pay for something that you already own? Just shake your head, say “eh” and put it back down.

Some garage sales are very difficult to leave things at. Sometimes, if it’s raining, they’ll be entirely indoors, which means that the sellers are much more likely to be watching over everything like hawks. Other times, it’s almost too easy to leave something. Today, we went to a garage sale and the offerings were so meagre and pathetic that leaving my junk would have been better.

Soon, however, I’m going to run out of junk to leave.

Here are some of my trophies.